THE AUTHOR

Yhan's Mind

I remember 4 years ago…

“What’s one unusual thing that you always enjoy doing?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Me—I enjoy walking under the rain in the middle of the road.”

We were walking around an avenue filled with comedy bars and restaurants when you asked me that. You always ask me random things. We always walk in the middle of the night under the light of the moon. And, well, of course those from the establishments that we pass by. We have been doing that for many nights. We asked each other too many random, senseless questions; we answered with pretty interesting answers. You said you always ask random questions because, then, you’ll know who that person really is. We’ve gone to many places: restaurants, streets, curbs, elsewhere.

Once, we sat on a bench in front of a house that we don’t know whose. It was near where you stayed. You rented a room in an apartment that is home to a couple that is part of the movement that we’re both in. That was the time that I thought you’re the one I’m totally comfortable with: walking, eating, talking, laughing, etc. Before you left to go back to the States, you sent me a message that summarized how our relationship went. You were such a great friend and the message proved how I have been as great to you. After that, we’ve never gotten in touch. You never replied to my messages anymore. I guess you’ve been busy with your life. I completely forgot about everything that we shared until two weeks ago when it started raining. I was walking under the rain in the middle of road just like how we always do. This time I’m alone.

A couple of years after you left, you came back to my memory. I tried messaging you again but you don’t reply at all. Ever since you left, I’ve always dreamed of walking around the city with you. My loneliness has always kept me wondering why there are no people in my life that’s just like you. Someone that would go out in the middle of the night roaming around the city with me: walking, eating, talking, laughing, etc. There aren’t too many people in my life who are just like you. Well, there actually aren’t too many people in my life—period.

I settle with friends who I end up having friendship with for a couple of days to a couple of months. It’s either we end up losing contact or I would be too neglectful to talk to them. The latter happens as much as you can imagine. I gained and lost hundreds of friends whom majority of them I can’t remember the names of. I failed in searching for another friend whom I could walk around the city with at nights. Just like how we did. I gave up eventually. I always thought that you’re the only friend that I could ever do those things with. And there’s no chance that I could relive that because we could never spend nights together again. I don’t know why or how but that’s what I realized and I’m pretty sure about that.

The night that I walked under the rain again, it wasn’t in the middle of the road. I was on the side walk. Unlike when we spent time together, I felt unsafe. I always looked back checking if I’m walking alone and no danger is nearing. Though the sadness has built up in me for being alone, I walked kilometers feeling relieved of the weight that only the sweat through walking can ever perspire. I burned off a small percentage of my longing. When I remembered you, it was because it was raining and I was dying to take a walk around. About a few days before I remembered you, I had taken notice of one person that a friend introduced to me. I never thought she was just like you. You were completely different from each other. And it’s unfair and rude to compare two persons because of my longing for another.

The night that I walked under the rain again, it was the first time that I saw her. She had me head over heels. The time that she sat on the chair across me, I couldn’t talk straight and I couldn’t even look at her. She was within close range of vision but I could only take glances. The place was spacious but I couldn’t breathe well as if I’m in a box. The moment didn’t last long and she had to leave. After that night, we started talking. Came a night that we met, just the two of us. That night, it was raining but she wanted to go out. I haven’t gone out in a while and I like her a lot so I took the chance. We met in a mall but both of us went under the rain on our way to meet each other. Is nervousness and excitement apart from each other? I couldn’t tell because at that point, they were two opposite magnetic fields trying to force onto each other.

Needless to say, I had a great night. We walked distances, told jokes, had taxi rides that bounded us closer with the tickles and unanswered questions, ate, walked again (but with lesser distance), accompanied her home, then said good bye. “Good bye, thanks,” she said and I smiled awkwardly. Was there always something unspoken but substantial in walking under the rain? That night, when the raindrops poured over our heads while we were walking on sidewalks and in the middle of the roads, I said to myself, I’ve longed for this kind of feeling. The comfort that I have with someone I barely know. The happiness that I have even without certainty… Which I have until today.

Read more »

Yhan's Mind

I remember 4 years ago…

“What’s one unusual thing that you always enjoy doing?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Me—I enjoy walking under the rain in the middle of the road.”

We were walking around an avenue filled with comedy bars and restaurants when you asked me that. You always ask me random things. We always walk in the middle of the night under the light of the moon. And, well, of course those from the establishments that we pass by. We have been doing that for many nights. We asked each other too many random, senseless questions; we answered with pretty interesting answers. You said you always ask random questions because, then, you’ll know who that person really is. We’ve gone to many places: restaurants, streets, curbs, elsewhere.

Once, we sat on a bench in front of a house that we don’t know whose. It was near where you stayed. You rented a room in an apartment that is home to a couple that is part of the movement that we’re both in. That was the time that I thought you’re the one I’m totally comfortable with: walking, eating, talking, laughing, etc. Before you left to go back to the States, you sent me a message that summarized how our relationship went. You were such a great friend and the message proved how I have been as great to you. After that, we’ve never gotten in touch. You never replied to my messages anymore. I guess you’ve been busy with your life. I completely forgot about everything that we shared until two weeks ago when it started raining. I was walking under the rain in the middle of road just like how we always do. This time I’m alone.

A couple of years after you left, you came back to my memory. I tried messaging you again but you don’t reply at all. Ever since you left, I’ve always dreamed of walking around the city with you. My loneliness has always kept me wondering why there are no people in my life that’s just like you. Someone that would go out in the middle of the night roaming around the city with me: walking, eating, talking, laughing, etc. There aren’t too many people in my life who are just like you. Well, there actually aren’t too many people in my life—period.

I settle with friends who I end up having friendship with for a couple of days to a couple of months. It’s either we end up losing contact or I would be too neglectful to talk to them. The latter happens as much as you can imagine. I gained and lost hundreds of friends whom majority of them I can’t remember the names of. I failed in searching for another friend whom I could walk around the city with at nights. Just like how we did. I gave up eventually. I always thought that you’re the only friend that I could ever do those things with. And there’s no chance that I could relive that because we could never spend nights together again. I don’t know why or how but that’s what I realized and I’m pretty sure about that.

The night that I walked under the rain again, it wasn’t in the middle of the road. I was on the side walk. Unlike when we spent time together, I felt unsafe. I always looked back checking if I’m walking alone and no danger is nearing. Though the sadness has built up in me for being alone, I walked kilometers feeling relieved of the weight that only the sweat through walking can ever perspire. I burned off a small percentage of my longing. When I remembered you, it was because it was raining and I was dying to take a walk around. About a few days before I remembered you, I had taken notice of one person that a friend introduced to me. I never thought she was just like you. You were completely different from each other. And it’s unfair and rude to compare two persons because of my longing for another.

The night that I walked under the rain again, it was the first time that I saw her. She had me head over heels. The time that she sat on the chair across me, I couldn’t talk straight and I couldn’t even look at her. She was within close range of vision but I could only take glances. The place was spacious but I couldn’t breathe well as if I’m in a box. The moment didn’t last long and she had to leave. After that night, we started talking. Came a night that we met, just the two of us. That night, it was raining but she wanted to go out. I haven’t gone out in a while and I like her a lot so I took the chance. We met in a mall but both of us went under the rain on our way to meet each other. Is nervousness and excitement apart from each other? I couldn’t tell because at that point, they were two opposite magnetic fields trying to force onto each other.

Needless to say, I had a great night. We walked distances, told jokes, had taxi rides that bounded us closer with the tickles and unanswered questions, ate, walked again (but with lesser distance), accompanied her home, then said good bye. “Good bye, thanks,” she said and I smiled awkwardly. Was there always something unspoken but substantial in walking under the rain? That night, when the raindrops poured over our heads while we were walking on sidewalks and in the middle of the roads, I said to myself, I’ve longed for this kind of feeling. The comfort that I have with someone I barely know. The happiness that I have even without certainty… Which I have until today.

Read more »